Beginning of PSA: Teens, if you are uncomfortable looking at, talking about, purchasing and using condoms, you should not be having sex. Period. Parents, if your child comes to you to talk about birth control, it is most likely that they are already having sex. So, your response of ‘you shouldn’t be having sex’ is a tad bit too late. End of PSA.
I find myself getting so angry at these kids, especially at the end of each episode, when the teen mom looks sad (and exhausted) + explains how much harder parenthood is then they had imagined. Uhm. Cue loser Price is Right horns now....OF COURSE this ish is hard. That’s why teens should not be having babies!
I feel my old lady blood pressure rising.
If my kids want to have sex before the age of 24, I am going to find some brand-spanking new parents and make my kids live with them for a week. Here is the abbreviated list of what I want them to learn:
1. Babies make you instantly realize that you are broke. I don’t care how much money you actually have, everyone is in the poor house when a baby arrives. Even with 2 incomes and a number of gift cards from family + friends, the weekly trips to Target/Babies R Us/99 cent store deplete any and all cash. So how is a teen, who’s baby daddy probably works at Cinnabon or Lids, supposed to manage it?
2. Sleep? What’s sleep? I feel like the no-sleep thing is the most talked about but often ignored aspect of parenthood. So, I will describe what sleep deprivation feels like -- its like Freddy Kruger ripping out your eyeballs 1mm per 30 seconds. For the next 18 years of your life. On every episode, the teen mom looks like a walking zombie. This is why.
|Parenting. Illustrated with crappy picutres.|
3. Say goodbye to friends. Now, my friends are unbelievably patient, loyal and supportive (because they are grown). And, thanks to a great husband who encourages me to go out, I have the time and ability to see my friends. But, it is so damn hard to hang out. By the time I clean up (1st shower in 3 days?), get dressed up, and meet up with people, I usually want to turn around and go to sleep (see point #2). I had dinner with some ladies a week ago and it was all I could do to not put my head on my friend’s lap, curl up in the fetal position, and take a 2 hour nap.
4. What happened to my body? This show is about teens, whose bodies bounce back like nobody’s business, so, this point is all about old lady me. But WHAT THE HELL happened to my body? Why does every square inch of it want to look down at the ground?
5. You go crazy. This, I think, is the most important lesson that all teens should learn before having sex. I’m not sure if its the hormones, lack of sleep, or the smell of formula, but every parent turns into an irrational, scary, raging monster. For almost every question asked of me, I have to give myself a 10 second tape delay before answering. If not, my general response would be, “how the eff should I know? I’m a mom and I don’t sleep!” I recently found myself in a Twitter argument over the merits of Ja Rule. Seriously?! Ja Rule? But that’s the thing...I am now officially crazy.
So, there. Kids don’t have sex. Don’t have babies. Wait until you are old like me, so that you can look back on your teen years with heart-wrenching longing.