HORRIBLE BOSSES

by ImTHATdude

If you’re over the age of 23 and you’ve had more than one real job (and I mean gainful employment - not something you freaknasty kids give out bracelets for...) in your lifetime, you’ve probably had a horrible boss or two. I’ve had more than a few HB situations in my illustrious anti-lucrative career and I certainly imagined... For example, I had one woman who the very thinking of her true name is forbidden, so let’s call her “Mrs. Voldemort.” Mrs. V once called out for me a total of 78 times in less than 8 hours; on the 65^th time, I was summoned into her office to discuss a disposition I had drafted for the 4^th time. I was told on time #3 to implement her handwritten edits precisely (mind you, I do have a law degree and 10 yrs experience, but whatever). Anyway, I did my crappy job and brought her back the document somewhere in between shouts ##36-43. She read them, and on shout #65 proceeded to berate me about her changes not making any sense. When I showed her it was her handwriting and that I’d simply transcribed (language I had objected to from the outset), she told me “Just because I said it and told you to do it, doesn’t mean it makes any sense!” Of course, my handy notepad came out IMMEDIATELY – you have to savor those precious gems. Let’s just say, she didn’t last long as my horrible boss. You can’t contain that kinda crazy. Not possible. Talking to her was like watching that opening scene from Wedding Crashers; the one when they’re at the mediation and the woman tells her soon to be ex-husband to “shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

VITALS:

Jason Bateman (Couple’s Retreat) - Nick

Jason Sudekis (SNL) - Kurt

Charlie Day (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) - Dale

Kevin Spacey (Casino Jack) – Dave (Nick’s HB)

Colin Farrell (Fright Night) – Bobby Pellit (Kurt’s HB)

Jennifer Aniston (Just Go With It) – Dr. Harris (Dale’s HB)

Seth Gordon (Four Christmases) - Director

Michael Markowitz - Writer

IF YOU MUST KNOW:

Nick (Bateman), Kurt (Sudekis), and Dale (Day) have been buddies since high school. Now, in their 30s (give or take), each of them works in what would be a perfectly fulfilling job, with the one obvious exception. Horrible Bosses. Nick, a hard-working corporate exec, works for Dave (Spacey) who is truly horrible and subjects him to some of the dirtiest corporate skullduggery imaginable. Dave’s so treacherous that you almost want to applaud him for being that awful. Kurt starts out working for a father figure Mr. Pellit (played by Donald Sutherland), but when the good boss dies unexpectedly, his son, Bobby (Farrell), takes over. Bobby’s an addlebrained coke-head scumbag who engages in pure douchebaggery (I swear that’s a word… or should be) and snorts and screws the business into oblivion.

And then there’s Dale (Day)… Dale works for the hottest dentist this side of consciousness Julia (Aniston). His boss’s psychotic sadistic issue… she’s super horny and handsy. I know. You’re thinking… WHAT!? What’s this moron’s problem? Well, Dale’s about to get married and Julia threatens his nuptials by demanding the ole braciole from Dale. She sexually assaults him and her other patrons while they’re unconscious… this is supposed to horrify us… somehow, I can’t help but think, this guy doesn’t have much to complain about. It’s not sexual harassment if she’s hot. I’m pretty sure Justice Scalia wrote that Supreme Court opinion already.

So, the long and short is, after a particularly rough patch at work followed by a hard night of libation & commiserating, Dale, Nick and Kurt, with the help of a murder consultant (played by Jaime Foxx who looks very Mike Tyson), decide it would be awesome to kill each other’s bosses (a la “Strangers on a Train”). Here’s where the ridiculousness sets in and the movie gets to be pretty entertaining.

Despite his character’s foolish refusal to give his HB what she wants, Charlie Day is FUNNY. Julia and Dale’s interplay is the best part of this movie. It was dope to hear Jennifer Aniston with such a potty mouth. She should talk like that every movie. As for Charlie Day, this guy’s built for comedy. Even his voice is funny. I wonder if people can take him seriously when he argues with them in real life. Check out “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” pure comic relief.

SIDE NOTE: I’m leaving Netflix and taking my talents to Blockbuster and Redbox.

ImTHATdude gives Horrible Bosses – 4

REVISED RATING SYSTEM:

5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!

4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.

3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.

2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…

1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.