UrbanRhetoric

UrbanRhetoric

7.11.2015

Minions [movie review]....by dough

In "No Exit", Jean-Paul Sartre's seminal work on the ontological paradox of ascribing to another's
world view in a meaningless universe of indifference, he writes:  "Anything, anything would be better than this agony of mind, this [Minions Movie] that gnaws and fumbles ... and never hurts quite enough."  I might be paraphrasing, but Sartre's inability to reconcile a world that would produce The Minions Movie with a true and living God seems on the face of it, a bit harsh.

Surely The Minions Movie is despicable (see what I did there?) or at the very least indifferent to anything resembling humanity or human interaction, but that doesn't seem to me to be completely incompatible with a benevolent and ever loving creator.  Scripture might say that the Lord of Hosts seeks only love and compassion for his creation and thus he wouldn't subject his children to 104 minutes of mind numbing tedium, tiresome machinations and a glaring lack of whimsy.  But remember that The Minions Movie is not a creation of "I AM WHO I AM". It is a creation of man.  Man.  With all his flaws and shortcomings.  Man.  With all his guilelessness and clumsy plot choices. Man.  And a studio destined to squeeze every last dime from a charming if ultimately limited diversion.

Jehovah imbued in his most precious fruit free will.  And though that will may sometimes be used for wicked or at least terribly boring means, surely those means are not proof of a cold unforgiving universe unconcerned with mankind and his many struggles with mediocrity, banality and insipidity.  I cannot consign humanity to that fate simply because The Minions Movie exists.  Music will still be played.  Poetry will still be written.  Pyramids will still be built.  Sartre be damned.

6.21.2015

DOPE



The title says it all... DOPE.  I'm not even trying to be cute.  This was the best movie I've seen this year.

VITALS

Rick Famuyiwa (The Wood, Brown Sugar) - Writer/Director
Shameik Moore (Joyful Noise, and TV's House of Payne - but I will not hold that against him; just like I won't blame him for his parents misspelling that awesome name - ShaMIK, people; not -M E E K, not -M E I K, and damn sure not -M I Q U E) - Malcolm
Kiersey Clemons (TV's Extant and Eye Candy) - Diggy
Tony Revolori (The Grand Budapest Hotel, The Perfect Game) - Jib
Rakim "A$AP Rocky" Mayers (see, pretty much any ign'ant hip hop record) - Dom
Roger Guenvuer Smith (Do the Right Thing, American Gangster) - Austin Jacoby
Zoe Kravitz (Insurgent, Mad Max: Fury Road) - Nakia
Blake Anderson (Workaholics) - Will

Honorable Mention goes to Allen Maldanodo as the bouncer and to model turned actress, Chanel Iman as Lily.  Ah yes, Lily.

Interestingly, Forest Whittaker produced this film along with the likes of Diddy and Skateboard P; which begs the question, how did Jay-Z miss out on this?

IF YOU MUST KNOW:

This is the story of a kid straight out of Inglewood, Cali, who simply doesn't fit in.  He's a geek; not to be confused with a nerd (although he is) - see, a geek also has certain idiosyncracies that make him more of an outcast than other nerds.  Por ejemplo, Malcolm and his friends have a punk rock-type band, but they are also 90s-era hip-hop aficionados - obsessed with the music and gear to the point of wearing bad flattops and what appears to be some version of Cross-Colours.  Remember Cross Colours?  For kids born in the 90s to say that that was the "golden age" of hip hop smells like the west coast version of a Williamsburg/Fort Greene HIPSTER.


Malcolm (Moore), Jib (Revolori) and Dig (Clemons) are oddballs who have to manage their way around a school full of jocks, hoodlums,

Of course, the plot is ridiculous, but it isn't entirely beyond the suspension of disbelief.  Malcolm, in the midst of trying to finish his application for Harvard University,  gets unintentionally pulled into the dope-dealing world by Dom (A$AP Rocky) - leave it to a Harlem cat to drag a brother into an unnecessary sitch.  So, Dom makes Malcolm and his two band-mate friends into reluctant MDMA dealers.  (For my square readers, MDMA is methylenedioxy-methamphetamin; also known as Ecstasy or Molly.) Well, at least it aint heroine and weed would have weakened the plot to be more in the nature of Friday  (I mean the movie, not the other day).  The Oreos (that's the name of their band, and not my attempt at using a lame derogatory term for these geeks) get busy dealing Molly in the hopes of saving their own lives as they have to dodge sneaker stealing school bullies, fake thugs, real thugs, drug sniffing dogs, OG's, Molly-popping models, and Harvard grads (the debate is open for who on that list is most dangerous - I'll let you call it).

So, what was so special about this movie?  Aside from the AWESOME soundtrack, it was funny. Not even the cackling, chatty hipsters sitting in my aisle in stereotypical-fashion talking throughout the film could ruin the fact that the dialogue was clever and the situations were surprisingly intriguing.  It was a smart film that made some predictable turns and then unpredictably made them subtly realistic.  It toyed with your emotions. And, most importantly, it was sufficiently believable.  The arguments, the jokes, and the quiet moments these cats shared when they were in danger were legit friend type conversations.  On top of all that... I can imagine all three of these lead characters, the Awreeohs (pronounced like the cookies), becoming far more visible in Hollywood after this movie.  Even Zoe Kravitz, who really made me flashback to my crush on her mama when she was on A Different World (holla!).  You know you're getting old when the daughter(Zoe Kravitz, 26) of a woman (Lisa Bonet, 47) you were crushing on is old enough to be considered kinda hot.  Disturbing.


Anyway, the movie was so good that I didn't bother taking points from any of the usual areas, like rappers trying to act, which is usually as bad as models - no matter how hip-hop cute - trying to act (Chanel Iman) or contrived characters - and there were a few.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  It was even better than Dear White People and Top Five (both of which were understated, but very good movies).

Hurry up and see this movie before the next round of summer garbage (like Jurassic Park or Mad Max) pushes it out of the theater.

IMTHATDUDE gives Dope: 5

RATING SYSTEM:

5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!
4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.
3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.
2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…
1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.

5.10.2015

Avengers: Age of Ultron


All bias aside... you probably should not read anyone else's review but UR's.  Seriously. Everyone else will probably spoil the good stuff about this movie and make it an expensive and underwhelming night unless you’re a real die-hard fan boy/girl.  (And this comes from someone who saw this movie the Thursday night it was released.)  That said, Avengers 2 ain't exactly ground earth-shattering, but it is still pretty good.  In the ever-growing and increasingly tiresome field of superhero movies, Avengers: Age of Ultron is a pretty solid flick.  No, it doesn't live up to its predecessor (Avengers), but it stands on its own merit as a good movie with nicely proportioned components of humor, action and seriousness.

VITALS

Joss Whedon (Avengers, Serenity, same guy who created, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, and Dollhouse) - Writer/Director
Robert Downey, Jr. (The Judge, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) - Iron Man/Tony Stark
James Spader (Blacklist - a TV must watch) - Voice of Ultron
Chris Hemsworth (Blackhat, Rush) - Thor/Son of Odin
Mark Ruffalo (Shutter Island, Now You See Me) - The Hulk/David Banner
Chris Evans (Snowpiercer, Scott Pilgrim vs the World) - Capt. America/Steve Rogers
Scarlett Johansson (Lucy, Under the Skin) - Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff
Jeremy Renner (The Bourne Legacy, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol) -Hawkeye/Clint Barton Aaron Johnson (Kick-Ass, Savages) - Quicksilver
Elizabeth Olsen (Oldboy, Godzilla) - Scarlet Witch

Other Avengers movie affiliates made decent appearances as well including Don Cheadle, Colbie Smulders, Sam Jackson, Stellan Skarsgard, Idris Elba, Hayley Atwell, and Anthony Mackie.

IF YOU MUST KNOW:

Tony Stark and David Banner's furtive incursion into the field of peacekeeping artificial-intelligence goes completely awry.  Hmmm... that's about all you need to actually know.  If I started telling you the other details it would kind of kill what there is to like about the movie.  What I can tell you is that Avengers was fun, it was entertaining, they introduced a bunch of new people and other stuff into the Marvel movie world and managed to be engaging and cohesive enough that you don't realize how much you're being set up for the next flurry of Marvel pictures on their busy and aggressive release schedule.  Yet... Age of Ultron misses the high standard that Avengers set for itself back in 2012.

Do you remember the last Iron Man movie with poor Sir Ben Kingsley as the ridiculous Mandarin?  If you don't, bless your heart.  You're better off for it.  If you do, then you may see a similar misstep in Avengers 2.  Joss Whedon uses James Spader's effortlessly snarky voice to create what sounds like a truly ominous villain - and I always say, if you want a good superhero movie, you MUST have a really good super villain. That's where the misstep occurs.  The sound of Ultron is awesome... right up until he starts making too many jokes and going a little bit goofy. I expect my villains to be funny consistently in a twisted sort of way, but not to actually crack jokes.  That cheapens their sinister-ness.  Plus, Scarlet Witch (the most talented Olsen girl) and Quicksilver team up with the comically maniacal Ultron to form a dynamic "Big 3" to go up against Earth's mightiest heroes; they give Iron Man, the Hulk, Thor and the other Avengers the most dangerous imminent threat humanity has faced yet.

The speciocidal (if that is a word) Ultron and his enlisted 'enhanced humans' test the Avengers physically and put as much relationship strain as you can put into a Marvel movie.  Of course, everyone knows it all has to work out in the heroes' favor, but they give us some cool looking fight scenes along the way (when the CGI was managed well and the green screen wasn't obvious) to try and fool us like they might not make it AND they incorporate Jarvis (Stark's AI butler) into the movie as a more integral part than he has ever been before.  It's safe to say, Jarvis was always one of the coolest things about Tony Stark. 

The high points of the movie included the candid moments between the Avengers and the action sequences and the mention of the kingdom of Wakanda (the fictional location of where "vibranium" - the stuff that makes Capt. America's shield - comes from) - if you mention Wakanda that means:  Black Panther!  Word.  Unfortunately, there was no actual Black Panther siting, but still... I'm looking forward to a non-sidekick black superhero (not played by Halle Berry).

Overall, Avengers 2 brought enough to the table that I have to admit is was enjoyable (and I heart Scarlett Johansson, so watching her flip and fight in that outfit is always fun), but  even the stellar Scarlett did not make Age of Ultron 

as good as Avengers 1, Iron Man 1, Thor 2, or Capt. America 2, or Guardians of the Galaxy. It was at least as good as all the other movies in that series.  Word of advice for you - SKIP IMAX AND SKIP 3-D FORMATS (definitely skip IMAX 3-D; it aint worth paying 25 ducats) the movie seems to have been filmed more in 2-D and converted to 3-D, which makes it not worth paying for in 3-D.

Note: Don't forget that there is only one post credit scene.  So after you see the 3 second teaser for the next Avengers, you do not need to stay a second longer - like my dumba$$ did.  Just bounce.

IMTHATDUDE gives Age of Ultron (Avengers 2): 4

RATING SYSTEM:

5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!
4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.
3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.
2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…
1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.

4.09.2015

Furious 7


They saved the best for last!  F&F fans have to like this one. [No one should count Tokyo Drift, but somehow they made it all work with this one.]  I never thought that subtracting the hottest Israeli exports since the Jericho Pistol, Gal Gadot (the upcoming, and some might say controversial, Wonder 
Woman in the forthcoming Batman/ 
Superman flick) would manage to yield a better movie.

VITALS

James Wan (Insidious, Saw) Directs
Chris Morgan & Gary Scott Thompson (Wanted, 47 Ronin) pen it.

Vin Diesel (Riddick, Boiler Room) is Dominic Toretto
Paul Walker (Brick Mansions, Takers) is Brian O'Conner
Jason Statham (The Mechanic, Expendables) is Deckard Shaw
Michelle Rodriguez (Avatar, Machete Kills) is Letty
Jordana Brewster (Annapolis, American Heist) is Mia
Tyrese Gibson (Transformers, Death Race) is Roman
Ludacris (Crash, RocknRolla) is Tej
Dwayne Johnson (Pain & Gain, Hercules) is Hobbs
Nathalie Emmanuel (Game of Thrones, Misfits) is Ramsey
Other notable appearances include Kurt Russell, Rhonda Rousey, and Elsa Pataky.

IF YOU MUST KNOW:

Furious 7 finds us not long after the events of Fast & Furious 6.  If you stayed for the teaser after F6, you know that the bad guy had a "big" brother - which was the BEST part of F6, then you already knew about that.  If you haven't seen F6 - go back and read the review.  I'm pretty sure ThatDude who wrote it would appreciate you doing so. 

Shaw is seeking vengeance for his not-dead but crippled and comatose younger brother which takes him directly in the path of Hobbs (Rock) and that leads him to the gang.  Han is killed (not a spoiler, technically, I think he's killed twice in the series).  Shaw hunts down the rest of them, but not until he introduces himself to Dom (Vin Diesel).  ASIDE: Vin Diesel's been around a long time and people in the theater were asking each other if he was biracial or black, or he "just seems pretty black for a white dude." Real words from a random kid in the theater.  I find that amusing; although I doubt Diesel does.  But then again he did this sh# - for serious.

Back to the flick... the hunt is on.  



<-- This happens and one would think the movie should be over, but it's really just getting started... and inexplicably doesn't result Statham's death (not Shaw, I mean real life Jason Statham survived) - look how little his fist looks compared to the Rock's vein...  That's why I always root for Statham.   Villain or not.  There's a shortage of tough little SOBs in this world and J Stat's one.  


Then, there's this whole side note thing.  Strike that.  This particular subplot happens to be fairly high on my list of babymamas.  If you know me, you know that I am not generally a fan of British accents, but I would certainly make an exception for this subplot. (See, FN)  So, the subplot is about a hacker called Ramsay (Emmanuel).  I love her in GoT, her brief stint on Misfits, and I love the writers and director for casting her to play the hottest hacker on the face of the earth.  It's because I like smart... and cute and I haven't any proof to the contrary about my subplot, so I'm willing to extend her the benefit of the doubt unless proven unequivocally wrong. 

So, the gang has to jump some hurdles to get to Shaw, this hacker gets thrown in the mix, all the while Shaw is trying to get to Dom's gang.  The rest of the flick is adrenaline on top of humor with sprinkles of humor (thankfully not left to solely Tyrese to deliver - go back to sangin, bruh.  Your good at that.)

Blissfully, there were only unbelievable fights (most were well choreographed, but still with unlikely results) and car chases that did not involve speeding planes on never ending runways, but did involve building hopping in the whip; overall, there's nothing to this movie but high octane and passable doses of humor and emotion.  This is a man's version of a movie with heart.  This is OUR version of Pretty Woman - you remember that ridiculousness that women loved in yea olden day - hooker with a heart of gold business.  Sure it is absurd from start to finish.  Sure you have to check some of your wit at the door.  But damn it was fun.  You wont feel like you learned anything about life, or yourself, and you shouldn't expect a family speech by Vin Diesel to evoke emotion (although Michelle Rodriguez gives it a good go).  However, it was worth saying once and now repeating.  Damn, this movie was fun.

FN:  About the accent thing, I generally feel it is still connected to imperialism, subjugation, and genocide, but cloaked in some new perceived erudition.  But that's another story for another day (accents I also have some negative feelings about - Lon G'Island, Souf Jerseyan, Minnesotan, Afrikaans, and hard-Gaelic.  Sorry, but tis true).  


IMTHATDUDE gives Furious 7: 4

RATING SYSTEM:


5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!
4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.
3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.
2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…
1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.



PEACE TO PAUL WALKER

3.14.2015

Jupiter Acending


Soooo... is it better to have peaked early in film than to never have peaked at all?  I haven't the foggiest, but it would be a solid question to ask Andy and Lana Wachowski (formerly known as the Wachowski Brothers).  Some close to this writer have suggested that the minds that arguably brought you the Matrix trilogy (although the first one was by far the best), seem to have done exactly that - peaked and fallen squarely off a steep precipice into the ever-widening abyss of movie-mediocrity.

VITALS

Andy and Lana Wachowski (The Matrix, Speed Racer, Cloud Atlas) - Writers/Directors
Mila Kunis (Black Swan, Third Person) - Jupiter Jones
Channing Tatum (21/22 Jump Street) - Caine Wise
Eddie Redmayne (My week with Marilyn, The Theory of Everything) - Balem Abraxas
Sean Bean (Lord of the Rings & Ned Stark in the Game of Thrones series) - Apini
Tuppence Middleton (Imitation Game) - Kalique Abraxas
Douglas Booth (Noah) - Titus Abraxas

IF YOU MUST KNOW:

Jupiter Jones (Kunis) is a young immigrant (by way of a boat from Russia - no joke).  Her father is some sort of astronomer and her mother does something else in Russia, blah blah blah... Pop dukes loves the Planet Jupiter, so he named his daughter after the planet much to the mother's chagrin.  In what must be the most random home invasion in the history of home invasions, pop dukes is killed over a brass telescope which appears to be the only thing of value in the whole apartment.  Fast forward, Jupiter grows up in the States and works with her mom and aunt cleaning houses.  She lives beyond her means and is trying desperately to figure out a way out of the life she hates (cleaning toilets of rich people and waking up at the b-crack of pre-dawn to do so).

Unbeknownst to her, it turns out she happens to be the potential heir to a huge interstellar estate.  Sweet, right?  But wait... a competitor has dispatched some mercenaries to shut off the possibility of Jupiter making any claims to it.  Sucks to be Jupiter.  Caine (Tatum), a human-canine hybrid, is tasked with tracking her down and dragging her back to through space to where she can stake her rightful claim to her inheritance from of cadre of ego-maniacal vampir-looking pale-faced relatives.

There's no helping this one.  Sometimes making something look cool is not enough to make it something watchable.  Jupiter Ascending was borderline unwatchable.  I had a crush on Mila Kunis since Black Swan... but... watching her walk weirdly down the hall in that space castle rockin her space stilettos in her space gown was disturbing.  Zero cool points awarded. What kind of directions were the Wachowskis giving when they filmed that segment - "Mila, try this, I want you to be as awkward as humanly possible.  Remember... walk like your feet hurt and keep your shoulders as high and close together as possible.  Go..."

Jupiter Ascending is what the Fifth Element would have been if you subtracted everything that was entertaining from it.  Eddie Redmayne (recent Oscar winner) is too good for this kind of ga'bidge (as my pops would have called it). Watching this latest Wachowski debacle, I got the distinct impression that somebody slipped a little ganga in the Kraft foods on set. The look on Redmayne's face is indicative of how this movie felt.


There were some charming segments in this movie that made me want to like it more, but they weren't charming enough to bring me to that point.  The best part of the movie was the fight choreography.  They did a great job making a lot of the fight scenes look pretty good and even the air-skating thing that went on entirely too long was visually enthralling.

This is the kind of movie that the audience not only does not applaud when the credits roll, but they silently applaud THAT the credits are finally rolling.  Sorry, Wachowskis, but this isn't the next Matrix.  That said, I would strongly recommend watching this on Netflix when it drops in a hot second.  It's just lame enough to watch on a slow Tuesday.  And if you're a movie buff... (SPOILER ALERT),  there's definitely a Soylent Green aspect that cannot be missed, but should have been.

IMTHATDUDE gives Jupiter Ascending: 1

RATING SYSTEM:

5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!
4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.
3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.
2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…
1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.

2.18.2015

50 Shades of Grey


Let me start with something positive.  That's a nice looking tie.  And now that all the pleasantries are done, I'm going to try not to be to harsh, so let me begin with a simple definition:




: not intelligent : having or showing a lack of ability to learn and understand things
: not sensible or logical
: not able to think normally because you are drunk, tired, etc.

That's right.  The word you're looking for is - stupid.  So VERY stupid - and I don’t just mean the movie.  The world is stupid.  On some level we all knew this movie would suck. (Actually, there really wasn’t that much of that in this flick either.) We knew it and still we flocked to theaters in great big sellout crowds to see it, defying all logic, normal thought, and ability to understand.  The world is a great bastion of voyeuristic morons; me included.  If only the world were collectively drunk... well, we’d still be pretty stupid, but at least it would be excusable that we spent over $260M in the first four days on a movie that was obviously a niche soft porn film at-best.  50 Shades of Grey did the impossible; it made me lose respect for myself.  Sure, I have enough to spare, but a loss of any self-respect for watching this movie is entirely too great a loss.

Puns like ‘whorrible’ and ‘whorrid’ are inescapable.  But, since I have a modicum of respect for whores - it being the oldest profession and all - it would be a disservice to all things whore-ish for me to use such terms to describe this flick.  Put plainly - 50 Shades is pretty damned bad.  Start to finish.  Bad concept.  Bad script.  Bad casting (despite having never read the books).  The best thing about the movie is being a producer.  It cost about $40M to make and that investment was quadrupled in the first four days of its release.

VITALS

Sam Taylor-Johnson (Nowhere Boy, Destricted) - Director
Kelly Marcel (Saving Mr. Banks) - Writers
E.L. James (50 Shades trilogy) - Source Writer
Dakota Johnson (21 Jump Street, The Five Year Engagement) - Anastasia Steele
Jamie Dornan (Marie Antoinette, TV’s Once Upon a Time) - Christian Grey
Eloise Mumford (In the Blood) - Kate
Max Martini (Pacific Rim, Sabotage) - Taylor
Marcia Gay Harden (Mystic River, Into the Wild) - Mrs. Grey

IF YOU MUST KNOW

Christian Grey (Dornan) is a young billionaire with a freaky sneaky secret. He meets Anastasia Steele (Johnson), a graduating senior from blah-blah liberal arts college - of course she has a 4.0 and is an English Literature major who happens to be a hopeless romantic and a virgin.  I’ll pause there and let the absurdity hit you... virgin in her senior year in Portland or Vancouver, Washington?  What the hell else are they doing in Portland/Vancouver besides drankin, smoking, and the niggityniggitynasty?  Looking for glittery-shimmery vampires?  Let’s be honest - by her sophomore year that virginity would’ve been about as nonexistent as a Kim Kardashian’s love of white dudes (or Ray J’s manhood, whichever).

ASIDE: I tried to read the sample of this book and it irked me sumthin’ awful.  EL James is English, so I foolishly expected her english and grammar skills to be better than a fifth grader.  SMDH!  50 Shades was nothing short of visual masochism with no safe words.  At least Anastasia got a damned car and a dope pad.  What did moviegoers get for our submission - 15 bucks lighter in the wallet and time-raped (I know that’s crass, but time-despoiled doesn’t have the same flow given the content of this movie).

Here’s the problem with the premise... this story is not a love story.  I would throw down good paper that says any woman who would subject herself to this kind of emotional and physical abuse isn’t going to do it for a dude that makes $75K a year even if he, unlike Grey, is emotionally available - the whole love thing falls apart because it is romanticization of finances.  She’s blown away by his bread and prestige, not by him.  Hell, she doesn’t even know him AFTER he gets the cookie.  I don’t have a clue if he loses everything in the books, but if he does, it doesn’t matter...  Anastasia doesn’t set foot in this cat’s creepy a$$ soundproof BDSM den if he was a teacher, garbage man, bus driver, cop, or firefighter (well, maybe the last one - I hear firefighters get all kinds of strange).

The movie lacked depth and had zero intrigue.  The dialogue was sub-sophomoric.  And although I was silently screaming for this woman to sign the damned contract already, the sheer volume of questions volleyed back and forth between the characters created negative dramatic tension.  Plus, the chemistry between Grey and Steele was almost completely imperceptible. Even post-coitus, it looked like they were on an awkward first date.  They looked like two young actors trying hard to find their motivation.  On the bright side, there was a such dearth of action that I almost fell into a much needed deep sleep during the Savannah, Georgia segment.

Dakota Johnson was good in her tiny piece of the Social Network.  She was memorable and I still think she has a career ahead of her despite this unfortunate yet financially successful film.  Dornan... I dunno his work outside of this, so I can't speak to it.  But I hope the next one is better written, and they find a stronger director.  Maybe holla at Jane Campion, Ava DuVernay, or if you want to go a bit more artsy/graphic - David Lynch, Mira Nair, Ang Lee, or Catherine Breillat.

SUGGESTIONS:  Next time, make your movie at least as compelling as the concession stand advertisements.  Also, if it is going to be soft core porn, make that joint NC17 - maybe that would have appeased the readers and pervs alike.  I’ll still pass.  RED (that’s the safe word, right).

POSTSCRIPT - Shout out to Charlie Hunnam for wisely rethinking this role and backing out.  Huge box office success but you're better than that script and novel.  Good man.

IMTHATDUDE gives 50 Shades of Grey: 1

RATING SYSTEM:

5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!
4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.
3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.
2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…
1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.

1.01.2015

Most Played [2014]

I always love putting this list together. It is so interesting to me to see what folks listened to the most
over the year....so, pop the champagne (or coconut water), sit back and consider what YOU rocked out to the most this year.

EVERYTHING Nicki put out this year, Uptown Funk, Man Of The Year, RTJ2, Black Messiah. ~@bumblebeenie

"Ms Fat Booty" [remix] Yasiin Gaye ~@jrm20k

"Show Me" Kid Ink. "Loyal" comes in second. And then this entire D'angelo album, especially "The Charade" and "Really Love" ~@missdtm

RTJ. RTJ2. Your Old Droog. ~@tatansai

"Just Different" Teyana Taylor ~k. lynx

"Yo Tambien" Marc Anthony + Romeo Santos ~pajone

"F*ckin Problems" A$AP Rocky, Drake, Kendrick ~pemora/@urbanrhetoric

"Triangle" Laura Stevenson ~dough

"I Want You 'Til The Summertime" Yasiin Gaye ~@KevFrumBK

"Tuesday" Makonnen ~IMTHATDUDE

"Show Me" Kid Ink ~@mooks19

See list below. ~@Starfishncoffee