STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS [review].....by IMTHATDUDE

5 minutes Into the Darkness, and you’re hooked – more importantly, 4 minutes in and you realize it is going to be better than Iron Man 3.  Yup… I’m an RDJ fan, but Iron Man 3 was a major disappointment, while Trek Into Darkness was surprisingly better than the trailers suggested.

Technically, in the most unambiguous sense of the phrase, I still 'have a thang for Zoe (and I can hear somebody saying “bowchickabowaaah!” but I assure you I don’t mean it like that – although clearly our offspring would be genetically superior beings, that’s a story for another day – I’m just talking about my love of watching her act)…, the improbability of her hollering at IMTHATDUDE affords me the ability to be brutally honest about any crap films she’s been in (which, so far has been… NOTHING… not even the utterly ridiculous Colombiana was “crap” per se).  Eh… well… maybe “Guess Who” might’ve sorta kinda funked it right on up a bit+ … and maybe… MAYBE… Vantage Point gave me cinematic vertigo (and a touch of nausea)… AND Takers – okay, Takers sucked legumes of a certain sort.  But ain’t one to gossip, so you ain’t heard that from me.  Star Trek Into Darkness was - as we borderline old heads say – “good money.”
(more after the jump)

For my fellow nerds, here’s the relative equation about the action/sci-fi flicks out this season -

Trek Into Darkness > (Iron Man 3 + GI Joe: Retaliation) = Fast & Furious 6 > Olympus Has Fallen > Oblivion

Allow me to translate.  Star Trek Into Darkness was better than ratings for both Iron Man 3 and GI Joe Retaliation combined (the latter of which I did not completely hate – dap for giving “Keanuing” Channing Tatum).  IM3 & GI Joe combined are approximately equal to Fast & Furious 6 (review coming soon).  All of the previously mentioned flicks are better than Olympus Has Fallen which was slightly better than (but close to) Oblivion, which was just straight up lame.  No review will be forthcoming for either, but at least Olympus was fun (G. Butler was hilarious) as opposed to Oblivion – which, coincidently felt like two hours spent there – or as Mike Tyson would say, in  “Bolivia.”

Back to the Trek…

VITALS

JJ Abrams (Super 8, Star Trek) - Director

Alex Kurtzman (Transformers I, Cowboys & Aliens), Damon Lindelof (Prometheus, Cowboys & Aliens), and Roberto Orci (Transformers I, Cowboys & Aliens) – Writers

Zoe Saldana (Colombiana, Avatar) – Lt. Uhura/SHESTHATCHICK

Chris Pine (Unstoppable, This Means War) – Capt. Kirk

Zachary Quinto (Margin Call, TV’s Heroes) – Spock

Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock – BBC America show) – Let’s call him The Terrorist

Karl Urban (Dredd, Priest) – Bones/Dr. McCoy

Alice Eve (Crossing Over, The Raven) – Dr. Whosey Whatsit, Ph.D.

Peter Weller (Robocop – dude, he played ROBOCOP… Oh, the nostalgia!) – Adm. Marcus

John Cho (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle) – Mr. Sulu

Anton Yelchin (Fright Night, Like Crazy) – Mr. Chekov

Simon Pegg (Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Shaun of the Dead) – Scottie

* Aside: Thank you, JJ for throwing in the tight-bodied girl undressing scene again in this one.  Keep up the good work. I see you @AliceSophiaEve

** BSide: Don’t hold the Cowboys & Aliens thing against the writers of this movie… just because that flick was ASSinine.

IF YOU MUST KNOW:

SPOILER – SPOILER ALERT!!!  [If you really want to be surprised, DO NOT READ ANY REVIEWS OTHER THAN MINE, of course, and do not visit IMDB.com, you’ll thank me later.] 

The Enterprise crew - Kirk, Sulu, Chekov, Scottie, and Spock-Bones-Uhura (so not believable – whatevs), etc. are tasked by the Federation to bring a terrorist (Cumberbatch) to justice.  But that’s really all you need to know. 

The unequivocally British Benedict Cumberbatch was an exceptional terrorist.  He’s much better than Sir Ben Kingsley’s strange villainish-character in IM3, and way better than the whining-Romulan Eric Bana played in the last Star Trek movie who managed to strike about as much fear in people as a hungry, pre-lapband surgery Chris Christie would to the morning shift staff at a Dunkin Donuts (they might roll their eyes at the impending nuisance, but at the end of the day, how much damage could he really do?).

Regular SPOILER ALERT!!!   That collective ohhhh, that you’ll hear from people who did not pre-read about Trek Into Darkness is from those hardcore to moderate Trekkies.  It was a nice little pay off. 

  

ImTHATdude gives Star Trek Into Darkness: 5  (Really, it’s a more like a 4.5, but this deserves some credit)

RATING SYSTEM:

5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!
4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.
3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.
2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…
1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.

(*For those unfamiliar with the term "Keanuing" or "to Keanu" it simply means reducing the role of an actor to an acceptable level of usage to maintain the integrity of the story without destroying the verisimilitude of the film.  See, The Matrix.)