UrbanRhetoric

UrbanRhetoric

8.27.2011

Walls Notebook [most wanted]...by pemora

Prior to the pemora days, my cousin gave me the tag name pem. Mostly, that meant that I would write pem in white-out on my binders...nonetheless, I would tag it up, yo.

Now that I am an old lady and am always tired, I wish I had a way of showing my bad-a$$ tendencies without leaving the comforts of my home. Behold! A notebook that will let me feel like I am tagging up anything + everything. And I can do it with a sparkly Sharpie!




Get one at Think of The.

8.24.2011

Mustache [most wanted].....by pemora

I am officially in love with the new Mr. Kate logo rosary in rose gold:


mostly because it reminds me of the BEST video in Youtube history*:




Seriously, how effing dope is this?





Hook me up at Mr. Kate.

*friend of MissDTM (of course)



8.18.2011

Jodeci - Come and Talk to Me [Throwback Thursday]

This is a shout to IMTHATDUDE. This song is pure brainworm.....I challenge you to NOT be singing it 3 hours from now.

8.03.2011

Captain America: The First Avenger

by ImTHATdude

Befuddled. I can’t remember the last time I was BEFUDDLED before seeing Captain America: The First Avenger. Oh yes, I do. It was that time in Vegas at a “Gentleman’s Club” when they introduced two strippers back-to-back named Candy. What are the chances!? It seems the power of the SGA (Strippers Guild of America) has seriously taken a hit in this economy. Anyway, with Capt. America being from out of Brooklyn and all, I semi-hoped to like this movie. Hope springs eternal (... until it stops). Instead, I was left with that same befuddled expression I most certainly had on my face as I sat in Cheetah's smelling the scent of broken dreams, past/current abusive relationships, and weird mixtures of "Midnight Pomegranate" & "Warm Vanilla Sugar" lotion, mingling with the tart odor of poor education as it emanated in no small portion from Candy and Kandi. See you soon, ladies. (He says with a Tina Fey/Sarah Palin wink and gunshot point.) I kid, it's a recession. You not seeing my ones ($1) - not again, that is...


VITALS:


Joe Johnston (The Wolfman) – Director
Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely (The Chronicles of Narnia) - Writers
Chris Evans (The Losers) – Steve Rogers/Capt. America
Tommy Lee Jones (The Company Men) – Col. Phillips
Hayley Atwell (The Duchess) – Peggy Carter
Sebastian Stan (Black Swan) – “Bucky”
Hugo Weaving (The Wolfman) – Schmidt/Red Skull
Stanley Tucci (Easy A) – Dr. Erskine


IF YOU MUST KNOW:


Set during WWII, Steve Rogers (Evans) is an emaciated sickly kid with all sorts of issues including a huge chip on his shoulder and a desire to do his part and fight for blah blah blah… After repeated tries to enlist in the US Army, Rogers is summarily rejected in light of his multiple ailments, but not his homeboy, “Bucky.” Bucky gets busy. Eventually, Rogers catches the eye in of Dr. Erskine (Tucci) for his valor - not in the way Ryan Gosling catches pemora's eye. Rogers is chosen to become the first American Super Soldier with a serum that enhances an individual's characteristics like courage, honor, loyalty - screw that, the serum made him taller, stronger, faster, and healthy.


Agent Carter (Atwell) was grossly underutilized, but did her job as the eye-candy with a little edge. Col. Phillips (Jones) was a proper grump. For what it's worth, Evans played Capt. America well. The problem is, I never read Capt. America comics - not after reading a couple in the store when I was a kid. Back then, I thought he was kind of a geek and pretty freaking corny compared to the X-Men and Spiderman... Good to know that somethings never change.
If I may be blunt for once, I was kind of lulled to a sense of abject complacency about this movie. And my expectations were soooo minimal… All the ingredients were there. A-List actors. Seasoned writers and directors. A built-in audience. Yet, majestically, this nerd from Brooklyn was definitely living south of under-whelmed for a couple hours. Capt. America is clearly better than Thor & Green Lantern, but being markedly better than Green Lantern & Thor ain't much to brag about. That's unfair. Thor was only kinda lame; Green Lantern was - as zee French zay… “garbage” .

ImTHATdude gives Captain America: The First Avenger – 2/I know it has a pulse, but…

REVISED RATING SYSTEM:

5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!
4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.
3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.
2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…
1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.

8.02.2011

Crazy Stupid Love




by ImTHATdude


I’d be surprised and a little disappointed if you didn’t already know that I have an aversion to love stories. Not the “love” just theatrical love stories; just the campy, touchy-feely, chick flicky, emotional heartstring tuggy crap But why? How could the Undisputed Light Heavyweight Champion of Romantic Dudes, at least on the Planet of Brooklyn, feel like that about love stories? Because I hate going to the theatre and dealing with you annoying movie-daters (the ones who talk and ask asinine questions during the movie); these moviegoers are #2 on my list of expendables. Needless to say, if you are one of these people, I probably wouldn’t like you very much in or out of the theatre. What list, dude? I’m so glad you asked. Here’re the Top-5 types of moviegoers that make me want to punch them in the neck: that passes for a date movie.


1) Unruly children with new-school parents who refuse to discipline these kids or, in the alternative, make them shut the hell up. (Yes, both parent(s) and child(ren) deserve and could get a neck-punch.)

2) People who feel the need to ask dumbass questions in their outside voice. Movie chatter may be permitted, but your INSIDE voice is not a suggestion – it’s a requirement. (I once with out with a woman who was cute and smart and funny and sweet and unfortunately loquacious chick who failed to use her inside voice in the theatre while asking me a never ending series of stupid questions. I never called that mouthy winch again.)

3) People so tethered to their mobiles that they forget they’re in theatre and the other people there did not agree to have you make the theatre glow like a Kanye West concert when you could’ve just texted outside and saved the ticket doe? The phone may be smart, but you… no so much.

4) People with loud snacks. (BTW: Popcorn, M&M Peanuts, or anything else that crackles every time you chew it… not cool, man. Not kewl.) Do you have any idea how loud 50 people crackling popcorn and M&M’s can be just as there’s supposed to be a quiet poignant moment? If you don’t, it’s because you are likely a #4. Popcorn eating bastard. Save yourself a neck punch and go with Raisinettes, which is clearly the superior movie snack anyway.

5) Last, but not least, are the tardy moviegoers who ask you to move so they can sit together and not be inconvenienced while you have to be inconvenienced and accommodate them because you got there early enough to scope out a boss spot (I hear “boss” made a comeback, so I’m trying it out).


What the hell was I talking about? Riiiight. Date flicks. I hate these movies because you will inevitably run into a higher percentage than usual of people who fall into ALL of the above categories. That’s almost enough to make you cop a bootleg for five bucks and skip the hassle of the $13 ticket racket altogether. Despite all my visceral yet justified disdain, I braved the possible fisticuffs and saw Crazy Stupid Love.


VITALS:


Dan Fogleman (Fred Clause) – Writer

Glen Ficarra (I Loe You Phillip Morris) – Director

Steve Carell (Dinner for Schmucks) - Cal

Ryan Gosling (Blue Valentine) - Jacob

Julianne Moore (The Kids Are Alright) – Emily

Kevin Bacon (X-Men: First Class) – David Lindhagen (full name’s important)

Analeigh Tipton (Green Hornet) – Jessica

Emma Stone (Easy A) – Hannah

Marisa Tomei (The Lincoln Lawyer) - Kate

Liz Lipira (Fast & Furious) – Liz (very creative with the name selection)


IF YOU MUST KNOW:


First scene of the movie, Cal (Carell) asks for the crème brulee exactly while his wife, Emily (Moore), asks him for a divorce. What the Johnny Drama!? Right there, you know this movie has potential. I feel like if I talked too much about the plot it’ll demystify it for you… Commencing the demystification....... NOW


Cal and Emily, married 25 years (childhood sweethearts) find themselves in a stale marriage. Emily cheats on Cal with David Lindhagen (Bacon). DAVID LINDHAGEN! Emily and Cal become estranged. And, the rest of the movie’s about them figuring out how and if they can live on their own or if they’ve really made a mistake. Answer: Yes! Oh, and they have kids with their own myriad love issues.


So Jacob (Gosling), playa that he is, runs into Cal and wants to help Cal rediscover his manhood, until Jacob unexpectedly falls for the lovely Hannah (Stone). FYI: I loves me some Emma Stone.

















The twists and turns this movie takes are enough to keep you interested, but not enough to be ridiculous to the point of absurdity. (Most romantic comedies are ridiculous to the point of absurdity. There’s nothing I find more frustrating in those movies than an easily fixable situation being exacerbated by the moronitude of the protagonists. Yes, I made up another word. I’m going to make up words until Merriam Webster’s Dictionary picks some of them up. As far as I’m concerned, “moronitude” is every bit as justifiable as say - “bling.”)


Story eventually ends, of course, but when it does, you’ve laughed plenty, and you’ve not felt like you’ve been fed the same ole pre-packaged meal you ordinarily get with Rom-Coms. (Hopefully, you have not cried at all, unless you’re THAT kind of moviegoer – in which case, yes, I hate you – you’re #6). Although, technically, you have. So, Gosling was good. Carell was Carell. Julianne Moore - well, I got a thing for redheads... and brunettes... and blondes (FYI: Emma Stone is actually blonde but rocking the redhead look... very interesting).


BTW: Shout out to Marisa Tomei, your "crazy" was so crazy, I think I might have dated you before...


ImTHATdude gives Crazy Stupid Love – 4


REVISED RATING SYSTEM:

5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!

4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.

3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.

2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…

1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.

8.01.2011

HORRIBLE BOSSES


by ImTHATdude


If you’re over the age of 23 and you’ve had more than one real job (and I mean gainful employment - not something you freaknasty kids give out bracelets for...) in your lifetime, you’ve probably had a horrible boss or two. I’ve had more than a few HB situations in my illustrious anti-lucrative career and I certainly imagined... For example, I had one woman who the very thinking of her true name is forbidden, so let’s call her “Mrs. Voldemort.” Mrs. V once called out for me a total of 78 times in less than 8 hours; on the 65th time, I was summoned into her office to discuss a disposition I had drafted for the 4th time. I was told on time #3 to implement her handwritten edits precisely (mind you, I do have a law degree and 10 yrs experience, but whatever). Anyway, I did my crappy job and brought her back the document somewhere in between shouts ##36-43. She read them, and on shout #65 proceeded to berate me about her changes not making any sense. When I showed her it was her handwriting and that I’d simply transcribed (language I had objected to from the outset), she told me “Just because I said it and told you to do it, doesn’t mean it makes any sense!” Of course, my handy notepad came out IMMEDIATELY – you have to savor those precious gems. Let’s just say, she didn’t last long as my horrible boss. You can’t contain that kinda crazy. Not possible. Talking to her was like watching that opening scene from Wedding Crashers; the one when they’re at the mediation and the woman tells her soon to be ex-husband to “shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

VITALS:

Jason Bateman (Couple’s Retreat) - Nick

Jason Sudekis (SNL) - Kurt

Charlie Day (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) - Dale

Kevin Spacey (Casino Jack) – Dave (Nick’s HB)

Colin Farrell (Fright Night) – Bobby Pellit (Kurt’s HB)

Jennifer Aniston (Just Go With It) – Dr. Harris (Dale’s HB)

Seth Gordon (Four Christmases) - Director

Michael Markowitz - Writer

IF YOU MUST KNOW:

Nick (Bateman), Kurt (Sudekis), and Dale (Day) have been buddies since high school. Now, in their 30s (give or take), each of them works in what would be a perfectly fulfilling job, with the one obvious exception. Horrible Bosses. Nick, a hard-working corporate exec, works for Dave (Spacey) who is truly horrible and subjects him to some of the dirtiest corporate skullduggery imaginable. Dave’s so treacherous that you almost want to applaud him for being that awful. Kurt starts out working for a father figure Mr. Pellit (played by Donald Sutherland), but when the good boss dies unexpectedly, his son, Bobby (Farrell), takes over. Bobby’s an addlebrained coke-head scumbag who engages in pure douchebaggery (I swear that’s a word… or should be) and snorts and screws the business into oblivion.


And then there’s Dale (Day)… Dale works for the hottest dentist this side of consciousness Julia (Aniston). His boss’s psychotic sadistic issue… she’s super horny and handsy. I know. You’re thinking… WHAT!? What’s this moron’s problem? Well, Dale’s about to get married and Julia threatens his nuptials by demanding the ole braciole from Dale. She sexually assaults him and her other patrons while they’re unconscious… this is supposed to horrify us… somehow, I can’t help but think, this guy doesn’t have much to complain about. It’s not sexual harassment if she’s hot. I’m pretty sure Justice Scalia wrote that Supreme Court opinion already.

So, the long and short is, after a particularly rough patch at work followed by a hard night of libation & commiserating, Dale, Nick and Kurt, with the help of a murder consultant (played by Jaime Foxx who looks very Mike Tyson), decide it would be awesome to kill each other’s bosses (a la “Strangers on a Train”). Here’s where the ridiculousness sets in and the movie gets to be pretty entertaining.

Despite his character’s foolish refusal to give his HB what she wants, Charlie Day is FUNNY. Julia and Dale’s interplay is the best part of this movie. It was dope to hear Jennifer Aniston with such a potty mouth. She should talk like that every movie. As for Charlie Day, this guy’s built for comedy. Even his voice is funny. I wonder if people can take him seriously when he argues with them in real life. Check out “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” pure comic relief.

SIDE NOTE: I’m leaving Netflix and taking my talents to Blockbuster and Redbox.

ImTHATdude gives Horrible Bosses – 4

REVISED RATING SYSTEM:

5 = You should be about halfway to the theatre by now… Well… GET!

4 = Definitely worth the bread. Niiice.

3 = I won’t cuss anybody out and demand my paper back.

2 = Somewhere SOUTH of under-whelmed./I know it has a pulse, but…

1 = Not a good look. They played me AND I played myself.