The Worst Talking Pictures (2000-2009)
I hate each one of these movies so deeply, I’m starting to like them. Let’s just say this was a very bad decade for Black folks on airplanes, superheroes not named Spidey, and anything related to dragons or dinosaurs.
1) The Happening
Not a damn thing but me getting robbed blind by M. Night Sham.
2) Death Race
… and I’m THAT much closer to the finish line.
3) Balls of Fury
Sorry, Fogler, but this was depressingly unfunny.
4) Snakes on a Plane
Yes the makers of this film deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell!
5) Soul Plane
And you thought we gave you some sh!t the first time… Soul Plane 2: Diarrhea on the Big Screen.
6) Sky Captain & the World of Tomorrow
I wouldn’t have liked this movie drunk and high.
7) The Punisher
This isn’t the name of the movie; it’s a characterization of it.
It would’ve been more interesting to have 2 hours of that duck saying nothing but “AFLAC!”
Jennifer Garner working a little phallic symbol couldn’t save this crap after that Affleck debacle.
11) Baby Boy
“You know I love you girl, you got my baby and you prolly gonna be my wife.”
12) Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
Please God forgive me for wasting the hours of this precious life you have given me by watching this. Amen.
13) Aeon Flux
If Aeon Flux (Theron) and Catwoman (Berry) had a fight onscreen instead, we’d all still be the losers.
14) Dragon Wars
15) Year One
I still want to fight somebody thinking about this corny crap.
16) Black Snake Moan
It would’ve been more interesting to watch an actual snake moaning.
17) Land of the Lost
I want whatever percentage of my Netflix subscription payment this took back from the smurfin smurfheads that made this movie.
18) DOA: Dead or Alive
Last movie to make me leave the theatre with the dry heaves.
19) Sorority Row
May you all die a slow painful death (lasting at least the runtime of this movie); I know I did.
20) Speed Racer
Next time leave the crappy cartoons on the Cartoon Network.