The nerve of this
clown, Peter "PJ" Jackson. I sat through 161 minutes
of dwarves in barrels and elves with arrows, only to find out that Smaug was barely
in the flick. Oh, they talked about
Smaug, but that big bastard literally (in
that Rob Lowe “Parks & Rec” voice) slept through the first ¾ of the film –
and I should have followed his example.
I was actually jealous of a fictional dragon because he got to sleep
through this joint and I bet he didn’t pay 18 bucks for it.
VITALS
Peter Jackson (King Kong, LOTR Series)
– Director/Co-Writer
Guillermo del Torro (Pan’s Labyrinth,
Pacific Rim) – Co-Writer
Martin Freeman (The World’s End, BBC
America’s Sherlock) – Bilbo
Ian McKellan (X Men: The Last Stand,
The Da Vinci Code) – Gandalf
Cate Blanchett (Hanna, Blue Jasmin) –
Galadriel
Orlando Bloom (The Three Musketeers,
Pirates of the Caribbean) – Legolas
Richard Armitage (Captain America:
The First Avenger, BBC’s MI5 aka Spooks) – Thorin
Evangeline Lilly (Real Steel, The
Hurt Locker) – Tauriel
Benedict Cumberbatch (Star Trek Into
the Darkness, BBC America’s Sherlock) – voice of Smaug
Stephen Fry (The Hitchhiker’s Guide
to the Galaxy, V for Vendetta) – Master of Laketown
IF YOU MUST KNOW:
Here are my Resolutions for 2014:
I always love putting this list together. It's fun to see what my friends are listening to but it is also a cool reminder of how kick-a$$ and different they are. Love my friends. They rock.
The nerve of this
clown, Peter "PJ" Jackson. I sat through 161 minutes
of dwarves in barrels and elves with arrows, only to find out that Smaug was barely
in the flick. Oh, they talked about
Smaug, but that big bastard literally (in
that Rob Lowe “Parks & Rec” voice) slept through the first ¾ of the film –
and I should have followed his example.
I was actually jealous of a fictional dragon because he got to sleep
through this joint and I bet he didn’t pay 18 bucks for it.
A blatant overabundance of wretched excess.
Drug abuse and drug addled behavior.
Sexual depravity. Overindulgence
of everything under the sun. This is why ‘they’ hate us. The Wolf of Wall Street was over the top
in every possible category, including the run time and Leo’s pop-locking. You almost get the sense that Marty and Leo may have been a little bit too close to the material when they filmed this, nahmean? I kid/I joke. Sorta... Put it this way, the profanity in the opening
scene has nothing to do with what was said. Forever seared in my mental rolodex is the indelible
image of a normal straw being misused in two of the wrong orifices- it’s filed
under “CRAP I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO UNSEE.” 
