33 + Pregnant....by pemora

If you follow me on twitter, you know that maternity leave + 3am feedings means that I have been watching A LOT of TV. While I have been loving the SATC reruns and never-ending marathons of Cheaters, the show that just gets under my skin is 16 + Pregnant. Of course, I continue to watch it. But the show, and its participants, drive me bonkers.

Beginning of PSA: Teens, if you are uncomfortable looking at, talking about, purchasing and using condoms, you should not be having sex. Period. Parents, if your child comes to you to talk about birth control, it is most likely that they are already having sex. So, your response of ‘you shouldn’t be having sex’ is a tad bit too late. End of PSA.

I find myself getting so angry at these kids, especially at the end of each episode, when the teen mom looks sad (and exhausted) + explains how much harder parenthood is then they had imagined. Uhm. Cue loser Price is Right horns now....OF COURSE this ish is hard. That’s why teens should not be having babies!

I feel my old lady blood pressure rising.

If my kids want to have sex before the age of 24, I am going to find some brand-spanking new parents and make my kids live with them for a week. Here is the abbreviated list of what I want them to learn:

1. Babies make you instantly realize that you are broke. I don’t care how much money you actually have, everyone is in the poor house when a baby arrives. Even with 2 incomes and a number of gift cards from family + friends, the weekly trips to Target/Babies R Us/99 cent store deplete any and all cash. So how is a teen, who’s baby daddy probably works at Cinnabon or Lids, supposed to manage it?

2. Sleep? What’s sleep? I feel like the no-sleep thing is the most talked about but often ignored aspect of parenthood. So, I will describe what sleep deprivation feels like -- its like Freddy Kruger ripping out your eyeballs 1mm per 30 seconds. For the next 18 years of your life. On every episode, the teen mom looks like a walking zombie. This is why.

Parenting. Illustrated with crappy picutres.

3. Say goodbye to friends. Now, my friends are unbelievably patient, loyal and supportive (because they are grown). And, thanks to a great husband who encourages me to go out, I have the time and ability to see my friends. But, it is so damn hard to hang out. By the time I clean up (1st shower in 3 days?), get dressed up, and meet up with people, I usually want to turn around and go to sleep (see point #2). I had dinner with some ladies a week ago and it was all I could do to not put my head on my friend’s lap, curl up in the fetal position, and take a 2 hour nap.

4. What happened to my body? This show is about teens, whose bodies bounce back like nobody’s business, so, this point is all about old lady me. But WHAT THE HELL happened to my body? Why does every square inch of it want to look down at the ground?

5. You go crazy. This, I think, is the most important lesson that all teens should learn before having sex. I’m not sure if its the hormones, lack of sleep, or the smell of formula, but every parent turns into an irrational, scary, raging monster. For almost every question asked of me, I have to give myself a 10 second tape delay before answering. If not, my general response would be, “how the eff should I know? I’m a mom and I don’t sleep!” I recently found myself in a Twitter argument over the merits of Ja Rule. Seriously?! Ja Rule? But that’s the thing...I am now officially crazy.

So, there. Kids don’t have sex. Don’t have babies. Wait until you are old like me, so that you can look back on your teen years with heart-wrenching longing.  


  1. As a new mom of 34, and recently having returned to work from maternity leave, I also spent way too much time watching that show and getting irritated. The lack of sleep aspect is REAL, and something I struggle with every day now that my daughter is 3.5 months old. I haven't slept for more than 5 hours at a time since she was born. Getting used to my new body is another thing. I was lucky that most of the weight fell off quickly, but that's probably because I was too tired to eat. I'm wearing heels for the first time since October and my calf muscles have literally atrophied. My breasts change sizes throughout the day because I am still nursing. This sh-- is serious, and these girls both anger me and break my heart at the same time.

    Which in my hormonal state, is another problem.


  2. I love love love this point. It is perfectly on point and so funny. Dinner soon? And you better not fall asleep at the table! xoxo


  3. Yes you nailed it. I am not a new mom anymore but I am always tired trying to keep up w/the 5 year old Minime. However, I am with you! 16 and pregnant is not a show that I even entertain. It makes my blood boil when I see these teen moms w/ fly by night baby daddies. I'm a 33 yr old single mama, stable and this is tough. I can't imagine what mommyhood as a teen would be. At 16, I was trying to hang out, doing some HW, and rapping on the train. Sheesh!

  4. Hahaha! I feel like this is scaring me into having babies and i'm almost 30!! but yes, teen moms just aren't cool. I can't even imagine I would be ready then...hopefully soon.


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